I know September 11, 2001 is a date that changed our country and, in ways big and small, each of us as individuals. It is not a date I will forget any time soon.
But there is another September date that I will also never forget. One day that stole the lives of dear friends, threatened to bury loved ones in grief and hopelessness, redefined my faith and rocked me to my core.
September 15, 1999.
It has been nine years since a sad, deluded man walked casually into my church and unloaded his hurt, anger and confusion on innocent men, women and youth. My mom, sister and brother were there and faced a terror that no one should have to know, especially from the hallways and pews of the place they had worshiped for a lifetime. They saw bullets fly and friends fall. They tried to run, tried to hide, tried to warn others and find help.
I, a college sophomore, wept helplessly in Waco upon hearing of the shooting. I quickly learned that my family survived but seven beautiful lives had been lost. Seven others were shot but survived.
I still don't have all the answers. I don't believe I'll ever comprehend completely. But I did learn a thing or two about faith.
Faith is trusting that God is good when everything around you shrieking otherwise. Faith is understanding that it is okay to not understand. Faith is screaming, crying, questioning and hurting but still holding on. It is knowing that you are being held on to when your grasp weakens.
Before September 15, 1999 I never understood longing for heaven. I hadn't truly experienced the fullness of Romans 8:26. I had not ever been so desperate for the peace that transcends all understanding.
I believe that God was not absent from Wedgwood that night. I believe that this story is part of a greater story that points to God's glory, his love, his provision and his Son.
Kristi Beckel, Shawn Brown, Sydney Browning, Joey Ennis, Cassie Griffin, Kim Jones, Justin Ray, I remember you. I look forward with great joy to the day we meet again.
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5 comments:
Beautifully stated, Stace. I don't know that I've ever seen "faith" put into words so well. September 15 is a day that I will never forget as well.
oh wow. stacey, i had no idea. thank you for sharing that. beautiful.
chrys
As a fellow D/FWer I remember that day as well - I am very sorry you had to experience it so closely.
Your faith is incredible.
Em
(found you from Mt. Hope Chronicles - and will be back tonight when I am not juggling two little ones!)
I am convinced you will write your first good sentence before I write mine; in fact, maybe you already have!
Your write beautifully, deeply, thoughtfully. Sometimes I marvel that you are the product of half my DNA or half of whatever it is that children inherit from their parents. I believe you got a double dose of your mom and a pinch of me. (OK, I know your mother writes only under duress, but she has a heart and a faith like yours.)
I walked around the memorial this past Sunday evening. I found myself thinking about the the demonstrated faith of the families of those who died, particularly the families of Cassie, Sydney and Shawn. And I had a question for myself: would my faith have been as solid as their had your mother, sister or brother suffered the end of their children? To my shame, I must admit that I doubt it.
Your holding on encouraged us to hold on. Sometimes we overcome only by holding on.
Love,
Dad
There is one hero who stopped the shooting of anymore people, and his name is Jeremiah Neitz. Neitz tried to convert the gunman but he chose to shoot himself. He is like my brother in a way. Jeremiah's brother Mike would have said, "He doesn't believe in God." Jeremiah would have said, "Well, Mike, he does now." Just like that.
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